Nostalgia

I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that Chris is back at Vandenberg AFB in California and attending our close friends' church and having lunch with them. (A fact I am jealous of!) :) I am having a MAJOR nostalgia day.

I have pumpkin chocolate chip muffins in the oven--a tasty treat I was introduced to by a neighbor at Vandenberg.

I am listening to my "Worship" playlist on my iPod that has songs I haven't heard since.....well, probably since Vandenberg. It brings back so many memories of a church we attended that had such a unique bond between its people. A bond we have never again experienced. (5-card fellowship, anyone?!)

I had an acquaintance on FB mention something that took me back to our first pregnancy--at Vandenberg, which I miscarried, and all the emotions that went with that event. The bittersweet memory of a child I never knew. My Josiah who will be waiting to welcome me to heaven.

And that led to a memory of a dear woman who understood and who recommended a book that ministered to me in a way I so desperately needed at the time. I have since passed this book on to countless women when they experience a miscarriage. That woman passed away from breast cancer shortly after we moved away. But she is not forgotten.

Oh! the memories of all the special friends and events we experienced there--living with friends until we got our house on base (I am an expert at giving shots now); Thanksgiving when a friend's husband told me there had been a recall on the turkey I was serving to about 20 people (I'm still dreaming of a way to get back at him for that particular "joke"); watching our friends plant a church in a nearby town but knowing we were where God had planted us and loving them for understanding that; becoming parents for the first time and all that entails. And so much more!

We were stationed at Vandenberg almost 10 years ago for just 3 years.

I have special memories from each place we have lived. What an incredible blessing it has been to live an AF life. Yes, the moves are hard. Yes, I hate the good-byes. But I would never choose to not go because who knows what memories the next place will hold?!

Thank you, Lord, for the reminder of all these special people You have allowed me to know and who have blessed my life in so many amazing ways! I can't wait to see who else You will place in my life!!

Perspective

I hesitate to post this because it is super honest and I've struggled with wanting the whole FB world to know my honest feelings. However, since someone already said what I feared people would say, I thought I would go ahead and put myself out there.

Last Friday Chris was told he would be leaving for training at Vandenberg, CA for a month. It is for a good reason and I wouldn't say no even if someone asked me. But I don't have to like it!

On the one hand, some civilian friends and family agree that this was short notice and a lengthy time to be away. On the other hand, some of my military friends and family think how short it is and how great that it isn't a deployment.

Here are the things I think about......

One military friend had 2 weeks' notice before her husband deployed for 6 months. Perspective.

One family member's spouse was to be away for 2 weeks and I remember how hard it was for them to have them gone. Perspective.

One family member's husband has been deployed to the Middle East for year-long deployments 3 (or is it 4?) times. Perspective.

So, which perspective is right? I feel like a weak military wife. We are supposed to be strong and roll with whatever punches the military feels like throwing at us. I have friends and family whose husbands have been gone for months or years and I feel silly for being so down about him leaving.

But here is the reality and what I keep coming back to. This is the man I love with all my heart. This is the man I have vowed to stand by no matter what. So, being apart from him should hurt. Whether it's a week or a month, I hope I never stop missing him and wishing he did not have to leave.

Do I believe God will be my strength while he is gone? Absolutely! Do I think the boys and I will be fine while he's gone? Of course! Life will go on, because that's what you do.

But maybe being sad doesn't have to mean I'm weak. Maybe it just means the other half of my heart will be in another state and it's okay to be sad about that.

I will hold down the fort here in WY. I will get the boys where they need to be and be the Cub Scout Den Leader in his place. I will school our children and look for fun things to make the time go faster. I will enjoy the freedom to not cook if I don't feel like it and watch all the silly TV shows I don't watch while he's home. I will look for opportunities to spend time with other women so I can use up all my words in a day. I will make the best of it. But I will cry a few times before he leaves, again when I say good-bye and again some nights when I go to sleep. I will wish his toothbrush was next to mine because it means he's home.

Yes, it's just a month. Yes, it's a whole month. It's both. Perspective.

My house is so big.....

When we moved to Cheyenne, they didn't have a house for Chris' rank, so they got special permission to put us in the next level of house. We are feeling crazy blessed! And I'm finding it highly humorous since when we moved out of our house in Colorado, I had decided I never needed a house that big again. Now, here we are in a house at least twice that size (and I'm not exaggerating)! Please understand this list is meant to bring a smile to your face. So, here we go:

My house is so big......

• that I actually got off on the wrong floor coming down the stairs.....more than once.
  
• it has two staircases--one in the front and one in the back.
• we often miss each other by going up/down the opposite stairs.
• my boys say it is hard to find each other in it. (Which is pretty true.)
• the boys and I decided to use walkie-talkies one day to solve that problem.
• I don't need an exercise machine, I just go up and down steps all day long.
  
• there are large empty spaces that we wonder what to put in them.
• opening and closing windows has become my part-time job.
• when I lay something on a set of steps to go up, it usually migrates to the next set of steps at least once before reaching its final destination.
• our computer desk is in the eating area of the kitchen and is not crowded at all.
• Jonathan can reach top speed running down the halls.
• you can feel the climate change as you move between floors.
• I had to have maintenance call me when they arrived because we couldn't hear the doorbell from the attic where we were doing school.
  
• I am convinced I will need to hire help to keep it clean!
  

From the South to the West.....

During the transition, I have found myself contemplating the variety of customs, cultures and environments our country offers. Here is how our lives have changed.......

From the South to the West......

• from smocking and beautiful, long christening gowns to cowboy boots, large belt buckles and Stetsons.
• from humidity that makes it hard to breathe to air completely void of moisture.
• from a one-story modern home to a four-level historic home.
• from "y'all" to "howdy".
• from being called "sweetheart" or "dahlin'" and no offense was meant or taken to.....well, nothing has replaced that yet!
• from fire ants and spiders in our yard to antelope and ground squirrels (honestly, both are in our yard daily!).
• from being cooped up in the summer to playing at the playground for hours a day.
• from the land of 115 degree heat index to the land where 90 just feels like 90 and doesn't produce excessive amounts of sweating.
• from outdoor swimming pools to indoor.
• from 10 churches every mile to only one in sight during a 10-minute drive.
• from the beauty of a variety of colors of skin to the same pale color as me.
• from being the odd-one-out in how I talk to sounding just like everyone else.
• from the land of Civil War history to the land of how the West was won.
• from football to rodeos.
• from green grass and rolling hills to dry land and mountains in the distance.

But you know what is the same? The common courtesy of decent people. The same respect for our flag and our military. And people who love the same Lord.

Thank You, Lord, for the variety you've placed in our country and the privilege to experience it up-close-and-personal. Thank You for those across our nation who love and serve You and for the freedom to do just that.

In the span of a month....

In case you didn't know, we've moved. In the interim since my last post, we have:

- watched Chris graduate from SAASS (earning his third master's degree),
- celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary,
- gone to Disney World to celebrate it all,
- had follow-up procedures to my surgery to remove the stint they put in and could not find without putting me back under,
- celebrated with Chris as he pinned-on Lt Col,
- watched packers pack up our household goods and load them into a truck for the 8th time of our married life,
- spent time with family in Iowa en route to Wyoming,
- and finally moved into a beautiful, huge historic house on base at FE Warren in Cheyenne. (More on the house in an up-coming post.)
WHEW!! What a month!! We are so blessed!

Thank You, Lord, for being with us every step of the way, for going ahead of us to prepare our place, and guarding us from behind as we left people we love.

Reflections on our school year

Before I begin, let me just make sure you understand that not every day of homeschooling is rewarding. There are days I'm not sure I'm getting through, and what I am sure of is that I'm yelling way more than I should be. Now that you have the right perspective, permit me to look back fondly on Michael's 2nd grade year. (If you want to read the most important part, just skip to the last couple paragraphs.) :)

There has been a lot of growing and learning taking place, but I'm not always sure who is doing the majority of it--him or me. Early on in the year, we had to develop a system of discipline that was different than the everyday discipline a mom does. Because when I'm teaching, our relationship is not the same. Once that was established (and it was a God-thing, believe me!!), the road was much easier and more pleasant for both of us. During the second semester, we had to revisit this idea. This time, we did so by looking at the Fruit of the Spirit. This was by far the most powerful lesson we had all year. And then I wondered why I hadn't gone to Scripture to begin with!! (See? Learning and growing....)

Michael loves math, but doesn't always love the worksheet--especially when it is "boring" and he thinks himself an expert in this particular concept. :) Half the time, I'm not even teaching him the mental math tricks our curriculum uses because he has come up with a trick all on his own and it works! Why mess with that?!

He doesn't love to read, but his reading has improved by leaps and bounds this year and especially in the last few weeks. And one day he told someone he was "in a reading mood today"......a sentiment I was convinced he would never express. It was a joy to hear!

We loved our social studies--US History and a look at each of the 50 states. Of course, he most enjoyed the wars, but he wouldn't be a boy if he didn't, right?! Actually, truth be told, what he MOST enjoyed were the inventors. And right now, that is what he wants to be when he grows up. He told me he wished he could skip all this school and go right to inventing school. Once I explained to him that this school will teach him what he needs to know to learn how to invent, he changed his story......which is good.

He loved science and, more often than not, our experiments worked. Which is a good thing, but not as common as you might assume. :)

So, while most moms are posting on FB about their kids' good grades or how proud they are of their children's accomplishments, I'm writing (and hopefully not boring you with) a whole blog. Think of it as the teacher's comments section of a report card. :)

But here is the most important part of this entire blog entry...... Today, on our last day of school, Michael cried because he was sad it was over. Then he said, "I am kind of glad it is over because I'll get to play more, but I'm also sad because I really like learning!" I don't care one single bit about his grades (which were good) after this one sentiment! This one statement makes it ALL worth it. Everything. It puts it all in perspective. If my child can end a school year and ask to do school through the summer, something is working! My biggest hope and prayer with homeschooling is that we would instill in our boys a love for learning that will carry them through life. I think we're on the right track!

Thank You, Jesus, for the opportunity and privilege of teaching my boys. I do not take this responsibility lightly. Thank You for the encouragement that came today from Michael's heart. The encouragement I need to keep "failing forward."

God, are you sure he got the right mom?!

My Michael LOVES crafts! His Mommy does NOT!! Some days I think he should have been my sister's child. (Of course, I don't REALLY think that, but......)

Friday I had gone to Birmingham and back for a doctor's appointment, taken them to base for homeschool bowling, ran an errand on base and finally arrived back home exhausted.

The first thing Michael said to me was, "Hey! Let's do a craft like play-dough or something!" I detest play-dough. It is messy and frustrating and I feel like we should keep the colors separate because that is what my Type A brain tells me. So, inwardly, I'm groaning when he says this. But then Jonathan says, "Let's paint our tractors!" YES! I don't detest painting any less, BUT their grandpa had given them wooden tractors to paint and the kit came with everything they needed--paint, brushes, the tractor. All I had to do was put out our craft tablecloth and some water--that is MY kind of craft! So, they painted and I cleaned brushes between colors.

Jonathan did a very nice job on his two small tractors. And then he was done. He was happy with how they looked and was excited to have done them, but then he was done.

However, and here is where I began to think Michael needs a different mom, Michael began to get very frustrated because it didn't look exactly like it looked in his head. And I didn't know what to tell him! Nor did I know how to help him fix it! I thought about my sister and how often she has done painting projects only to tell me she didn't like how it turned out, yet it is perfect in my eyes. And I thought, "Julie would know what to say!"

I know he belongs to me and that God didn't somehow mix up who should be his mom (I also know I wouldn't trade him for the world!), but I am thinking of enlisting her in a craft project for him the next time we are visiting. (Did you hear that, Julie?!) :)

On a side note, the very next day we dyed Easter eggs. This momma is crafted out! (Not Michael, though, he was back to his tractor as soon as his eggs were decorated.)

A God-blessed moment

In the spirit of being real, you must first remember that what follows does not happen every day. Many days we stumble through our school time and it's a success if I don't yell, Michael doesn't have a school-related meltdown and Jonathan doesn't play Wii all morning (because I just want him busy).

But then, once in awhile, we have a God-blessed moment. Although, as you'll soon see, it didn't seem like it would be when it started......

I promised the boys that I would make pancakes on this particular morning. So, I announced that I was making pancakes and went about that task. Michael was playing happily with his new Lego set and I assumed that's where he wanted to stay. The next thing I know, he is in meltdown mode because he wanted to make pancakes with me.....and I was to know this, how?! Once the meltdown ended, he told me making pancakes with me is one of his favorite things to do with me (never mind the fact that all we do is add water and stir), so could we please play a game or something together since he didn't get to do pancakes?

And here's the moment.....a new board game was scheduled for math as part of school THAT morning. I'm pretty sure I earned double points for that--fun math AND he got his request. I love when God pieces things together like that! It truly was a God-blessed moment.

Medical details

I have been overwhelmed by the number of people who genuinely care about me and what is going on. So much so, that I do not have the time or energy to email each of you individually. I wish I could, but I can't, so here we are.

I spent the day in Birmingham with my sister-in-law yesterday. Too bad it wasn't for the sake of shopping and a relaxing lunch. But I couldn't have been more thankful to have her with me. The day started in Nuclear Medicine where they injected me with radioactive material in order to watch my kidneys function. I found it fascinating and the tech, realizing this, turned the computer screen so I could watch the test. Nice! (I did find it highly ironic that there are people in Japan fleeing radioactive material and I was being injected with it; albeit, at a much different level!)

We then headed over to the doctor's where he told me my symptoms are "atypical" and that he didn't have the test results. He sent us to lunch and told us to come back in an hour. (We did enjoy a nice lunch.) When we came back, he said all my results are within the "normal" range and that my symptoms are not typical for what they thought the problem was. So, now what?

Chris and I will go back up Thursday morning (or, more likely, we'll head up tonight to be there for tomorrow morning!) for more testing which requires me to be sedated. The doctor will "scope it out" so to speak. You can figure out what that means.....I'm not going to spell out the details of this particular set of tests. :) Suffice it to say, he is looking to see if there is a blockage elsewhere along the same tube that could be causing all the pain.

Trisha, Chris's sister, was a trooper. She was really the reason I didn't just completely fall apart during the 10-hour day between hospital/doctor offices. Then she came back with me and took our boys with her last night so we didn't have to worry about what to do with them while I'm going under. She is such a blessing!!!

Here are the praises:
The doctor is AWESOME! And he is going out of his way--using his administrative day--to do this test on me tomorrow.
The boys will have more fun with cousins than at home and I don't have to worry about them.
The nuclear medicine test resulted only in a small amount of pain that didn't last long instead of the pain I was expecting.

Here are things you can join me in praying:
That the doctor would have wisdom as he runs this next test and that he would either be able to fix the problem or know the next step after tomorrow's tests.
That the Lord would multiply Chris' time as he has to miss class and several hours of studying to go with me. (He is willing, but the reality is that it will put him behind.)
That bouncing back from the test and sedation would be a piece of cake. :)

Thanks, friends!

Refiner's Fire

I have had this old song running around my head for the past week or so. Do you remember it?

Purify my heart,
let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart,
let me be as gold, pure gold.

(Chorus)
Refiner's fire,
my heart's one desire
is to be…holy;
set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be…holy;
set apart for You, my Master,
ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart,
cleanse me from within
and make me holy.
Purify my heart,
cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

It's such a nice song, isn't it? I do want to be holy. I do want to be set apart for my Lord. I do want to do His will. But do I really want the refiner's fire? Have you ever thought about that? A friend of mine once said worship songs are often ways we promise God things we would never promise or ask for otherwise. It's so true!

As this song ran its merry-go-round in my head, I began to examine the words and I found myself thinking how crazy it is that I would actually ask for a refiner's fire.

I just read about blacksmiths with my son for school and I immediately thought of the refiner's fire. Those fires are hot enough to melt iron so it can be pounded into the tool the blacksmith needs. That's the kind of fire the Bible refers to when it says we are tested by fire--a refiner's fire.

I don't know about you, but I don't really want to ask for the refiner's fire! I want the end result without the heat. Right now I find myself wondering what God is showing me. Is He giving me encouragement and strength to face the present physical issues I'm having? Is He telling me there is more to come? (I hope not!) I don't know the answers. One day as I wondered what to read in my Bible, 1 Peter popped in my head. The title of that section is, you guessed it, "Refiner's Fire." (I just shook my head and laughed.)

1 Peter 1:3-9 says "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this (the things he listed) you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."

So, even though I don't like the fire, I am reminded about how much I have to rejoice in--I am born again, I will inherit God's kingdom, I am protected by the power of God through faith. And if my fire results in a tool (me!) He can use better for that Kingdom, then I will try to remember to be joyful in the midst of it, remember that my faith is more precious than gold (or anything the world has to offer) and remember that the end result is worth the heat.

So, in spite of my reluctance to ask for a refiner's fire, I will joyfully continue to praise Him and serve Him in the midst of it.

Lord, help me rejoice in You no matter how hot the fire gets.

Still learning....

One of my downfalls has always been wanting to be in control. I'm the one with the map when we visit an amusement park. I want to plan our route to make sure we get it all in. I want to know when we are doing what and how much time it will take and how that will affect everyone involved. I had a day-timer in high school before it was popular. (And I think it's God's sense of humor that I married a military man.) :) I want information.....and I can't get too much of it. This has been something that God has been trying to work out of me my whole life. He wants me to give Him control and relinquish mine. He wants to hold the map, the information, my day-planner. And I fight Him for it.....often.

But lately, I thought I was doing pretty good. In fact, I gave myself a pat on the back as I found myself being more flexible--with my time, with my boys, with my husband. And so, because I felt rather proud of myself, God threw me a test......and I failed......again.

I need surgery for the medical issue I have written about before. They have to cut a tube and reconnect it so that it isn't constricted and causing me pain in my kidney. This news resulted in a control-freak-tailspin. I want to be in control of setting appointments, of when I will have surgery, of who I will see and where I will be seen. Guess what? I don't get control of ANY of that!

I spent the weekend eating because of my emotions. All my bad-for-me comfort foods. On Monday, my husband started talking moving details with me (we move after his graduation in June). Details I once again have no control over. I looked at him and said, "I am seconds away from an emotional breakdown. I will probably start crying any minute." (I thought it considerate of me to let him know.) :)

Finally, on Monday night I sat down with my Bible study and asked God to PLEASE speak to me. I knew I needed to hear from Him. I am reading an old book called "My Heart's Cry--Longing for more of Jesus" by Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham's daughter). I started it a couple weeks ago and hadn't picked it up again. I started in on the third chapter and knew within the first paragraph that God had saved this chapter for me that night. The title was "More of His Praise on My Lips". The whole chapter was about praising Him no matter what. Praising Him whether I feel like it or not. Why? Because He deserves it. Even if everything went wrong, no matter what happens, God deserves our praise. We don't praise Him because He did something for us--that's when we thank Him for His grace and mercy. We praise Him because of Who He is. And He is worthy of ALL our praise.

Anne tells the story of growing up in the mountains where the trees were so big on one ridge they hiked to that, even joining hands, their family could not reach around the trunk. She asked her mom why they were so much larger on the ridge. Her mother replied "because the winds were the strongest and the storms were the fiercest on the ridge. With nothing to shelter the trees from the full brunt of nature's wrath, they either broke and fell, or they became incredibly strong and resilient." I want to grow into a "tree of righteousness" and if that means He uses "the elements of adversity to make us strong", then so be it.

Not only is He worthy of all of our praise no matter what, praise is "the switch that turns on the light in the darkness of your life." Have you ever tried praising Him in your darkest hour only to discover it is no longer your darkest hour?

So I praised Him through that chapter and thanked Him for hearing my request for Him to speak to me. And my darkness lifted and my spirit felt lighter. Had anything changed? No. I still don't have control over any aspect of my medical care or the moving details, but somehow after praising Him, it didn't matter. A friend of mine wrote me something that is so true: "Every problem we face is too big for us to handle on our own. So thankful for a God we can give it to." And in praising Him, we are reminded of the fact that He is big enough. He can handle it. I don't have to be in control because He is. And even when the pieces don't seem to come together in the way we had hoped or wanted, He still has our best in mind.....but our best might be some adversity to grow us into trees of righteousness. I think it's worth it!

The Lord is near

I want to tell you what God did for me today. But hang with me, it's a long story. Oh wait, ALL my stories are long! :)

Today I went to the doctor for a mysterious pain in my side that creeps up off and on. It mimics gall bladder pain, but mine was taken out 10 years ago. After 10 months of not knowing when it will hit, I finally decided I should get it checked. After talking to me, my doctor sent me to radiology for an ultrasound (NO, I am NOT pregnant!) to check for kidney stones. She told me I would hear something in a few days if they found something and if they didn't, I would get a letter in the mail after 7 days. Radiology had an open appointment at 2:00 this afternoon (a miracle in and of itself). But by the way, you may not eat or drink anything until then.

My ultrasound tech was awesome! You know, they can never tell you anything, but by the questions he was asking, I could tell he was seeing something. Long story shorter, he had me stick around while he walked the results to the radiologist, then came back to say they were walking the results to the doctor to have her order a CAT scan immediately.

Remember how I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since breakfast? Remember how it's now after 2? Add to my already-low blood sugar an adrenaline rush based on the fact that I am now in immediate need of a CAT scan and I don't know why and watch me start shaking--visibly and literally! I was very close to asking the tech if I needed to call my husband in order to hear the news.

So, I'm sitting in a chair uncontrollably shaking and unsuccessfully trying to read a novel on my Kindle when I distinctly feel the prompting of the Lord to read His Word. I switch over to my Bible (enter ad for Kindle here) and look up Philippians 4. Here is what I read in verses 5-7 "The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Did you catch that? The Lord is near. I sat and read that line over and over. Then I started thanking Him for the people he had placed in the clinic for me today. Then I read the part about His peace over and over. And you know what? I stopped shaking. Completely. I was at peace. The Lord was near.

That's really the most important part of the story, but if you're like me, you'll want to know how it turned out. I got the CAT scan. Then I stopped at the desk for my doctor and asked whether she wanted to see me again before I went home. (When you've suddenly had an extra test and people are walking things down to her, you get the idea that probably you need to be filled in!) In fact, she did. Did you catch that?! This doctor saw me without an appointment..... unheard of in military clinics.

She gave me the run-down on kidney stones and prescribed me a pain med. But as I was walking out, another tech came in to tell my doctor that the radiologist called and wanted her to call back. I sat back down. It turns out I don't have kidney stones at all. I have a narrow spot in some tube that is slowing things down and causing the pain. I'm off to the urologist.

On the way to the original appointment this morning, I prayed that God would give the doctor wisdom. On the way to the ultrasound, I prayed it would be conclusive. I prayed God would go with me and that He would bless those taking care of me and that I would be a blessing to them. He answered above and beyond what I could have imagined!

Thank You, Jesus, for being near me today!

LOOK what God did!!

I felt so lonely today.....and worn down.....and discouraged....and insignificant.

Do you know what God did?

He got me to Bible study where I was reminded I have a very dear friend there, willing to help me with the boys if I would just ask; and where several women commented on how great my boys are--I needed that reminder today!

Then He gave me a phone call that relieved some stress for the near future, giving us more time to decide how to move forward. And I was blessed just from hearing this friend's heart.

Then when I turned on my Kindle to read my novel and found it was still on my Bible, He gave me a verse reminding me of His love for me and how this present "suffering" is nothing compared to the glory of being with Him--even now, in the present.

Then I went to the Y where I worked out with some great homeschooling moms that reminded me not only do I have friends, but I have friends who understand and can encourage this sometimes-lonely homeschool journey.

Then a friend in another state texted me asking if we could set up a phone date this week.

Then I came home to a message from a friend who will begin her homeschool journey soon asking me for my opinion on which curriculum to look at and how to choose where to start.

THEN (I know, it just doesn't end!) a dear woman at church gave me a giant hug (the norm is a quick sideways hug, so this was unexpected) as if she knew I needed it and I dissolved into tears. She just hugged me tighter and told me I'm special. How could she have known how much I needed that today?

Finally, another friend noticed my puffy eyes and asked why I'd been crying. To which I replied, "If you're nice to me, I'll start all over!" She promised to be mean. :) And then she listened.

Look what God did for me!! He met me at each and every emotion:
Lonely: He sent friend after friend reminding me I am not alone.
Worn down: He sent other homeschooling moms to encourage me.
Discouraged: He gave me a verse reminding me that He loves me and that is enough.
Insignificant: He had a friend ask for advice and sent a woman I deeply respect to tell me I'm special.

LOOK what God did for me! And you know what? He'll do it for you, too.

Thank You, Lord, for the reminders I so badly needed today. Thank You for meeting me at every turn.