Refiner's Fire

I have had this old song running around my head for the past week or so. Do you remember it?

Purify my heart,
let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart,
let me be as gold, pure gold.

(Chorus)
Refiner's fire,
my heart's one desire
is to be…holy;
set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be…holy;
set apart for You, my Master,
ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart,
cleanse me from within
and make me holy.
Purify my heart,
cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

It's such a nice song, isn't it? I do want to be holy. I do want to be set apart for my Lord. I do want to do His will. But do I really want the refiner's fire? Have you ever thought about that? A friend of mine once said worship songs are often ways we promise God things we would never promise or ask for otherwise. It's so true!

As this song ran its merry-go-round in my head, I began to examine the words and I found myself thinking how crazy it is that I would actually ask for a refiner's fire.

I just read about blacksmiths with my son for school and I immediately thought of the refiner's fire. Those fires are hot enough to melt iron so it can be pounded into the tool the blacksmith needs. That's the kind of fire the Bible refers to when it says we are tested by fire--a refiner's fire.

I don't know about you, but I don't really want to ask for the refiner's fire! I want the end result without the heat. Right now I find myself wondering what God is showing me. Is He giving me encouragement and strength to face the present physical issues I'm having? Is He telling me there is more to come? (I hope not!) I don't know the answers. One day as I wondered what to read in my Bible, 1 Peter popped in my head. The title of that section is, you guessed it, "Refiner's Fire." (I just shook my head and laughed.)

1 Peter 1:3-9 says "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this (the things he listed) you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."

So, even though I don't like the fire, I am reminded about how much I have to rejoice in--I am born again, I will inherit God's kingdom, I am protected by the power of God through faith. And if my fire results in a tool (me!) He can use better for that Kingdom, then I will try to remember to be joyful in the midst of it, remember that my faith is more precious than gold (or anything the world has to offer) and remember that the end result is worth the heat.

So, in spite of my reluctance to ask for a refiner's fire, I will joyfully continue to praise Him and serve Him in the midst of it.

Lord, help me rejoice in You no matter how hot the fire gets.

Still learning....

One of my downfalls has always been wanting to be in control. I'm the one with the map when we visit an amusement park. I want to plan our route to make sure we get it all in. I want to know when we are doing what and how much time it will take and how that will affect everyone involved. I had a day-timer in high school before it was popular. (And I think it's God's sense of humor that I married a military man.) :) I want information.....and I can't get too much of it. This has been something that God has been trying to work out of me my whole life. He wants me to give Him control and relinquish mine. He wants to hold the map, the information, my day-planner. And I fight Him for it.....often.

But lately, I thought I was doing pretty good. In fact, I gave myself a pat on the back as I found myself being more flexible--with my time, with my boys, with my husband. And so, because I felt rather proud of myself, God threw me a test......and I failed......again.

I need surgery for the medical issue I have written about before. They have to cut a tube and reconnect it so that it isn't constricted and causing me pain in my kidney. This news resulted in a control-freak-tailspin. I want to be in control of setting appointments, of when I will have surgery, of who I will see and where I will be seen. Guess what? I don't get control of ANY of that!

I spent the weekend eating because of my emotions. All my bad-for-me comfort foods. On Monday, my husband started talking moving details with me (we move after his graduation in June). Details I once again have no control over. I looked at him and said, "I am seconds away from an emotional breakdown. I will probably start crying any minute." (I thought it considerate of me to let him know.) :)

Finally, on Monday night I sat down with my Bible study and asked God to PLEASE speak to me. I knew I needed to hear from Him. I am reading an old book called "My Heart's Cry--Longing for more of Jesus" by Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham's daughter). I started it a couple weeks ago and hadn't picked it up again. I started in on the third chapter and knew within the first paragraph that God had saved this chapter for me that night. The title was "More of His Praise on My Lips". The whole chapter was about praising Him no matter what. Praising Him whether I feel like it or not. Why? Because He deserves it. Even if everything went wrong, no matter what happens, God deserves our praise. We don't praise Him because He did something for us--that's when we thank Him for His grace and mercy. We praise Him because of Who He is. And He is worthy of ALL our praise.

Anne tells the story of growing up in the mountains where the trees were so big on one ridge they hiked to that, even joining hands, their family could not reach around the trunk. She asked her mom why they were so much larger on the ridge. Her mother replied "because the winds were the strongest and the storms were the fiercest on the ridge. With nothing to shelter the trees from the full brunt of nature's wrath, they either broke and fell, or they became incredibly strong and resilient." I want to grow into a "tree of righteousness" and if that means He uses "the elements of adversity to make us strong", then so be it.

Not only is He worthy of all of our praise no matter what, praise is "the switch that turns on the light in the darkness of your life." Have you ever tried praising Him in your darkest hour only to discover it is no longer your darkest hour?

So I praised Him through that chapter and thanked Him for hearing my request for Him to speak to me. And my darkness lifted and my spirit felt lighter. Had anything changed? No. I still don't have control over any aspect of my medical care or the moving details, but somehow after praising Him, it didn't matter. A friend of mine wrote me something that is so true: "Every problem we face is too big for us to handle on our own. So thankful for a God we can give it to." And in praising Him, we are reminded of the fact that He is big enough. He can handle it. I don't have to be in control because He is. And even when the pieces don't seem to come together in the way we had hoped or wanted, He still has our best in mind.....but our best might be some adversity to grow us into trees of righteousness. I think it's worth it!