I hesitate to post this because it is super honest and I've struggled with wanting the whole FB world to know my honest feelings. However, since someone already said what I feared people would say, I thought I would go ahead and put myself out there.
Last Friday Chris was told he would be leaving for training at Vandenberg, CA for a month. It is for a good reason and I wouldn't say no even if someone asked me. But I don't have to like it!
On the one hand, some civilian friends and family agree that this was short notice and a lengthy time to be away. On the other hand, some of my military friends and family think how short it is and how great that it isn't a deployment.
Here are the things I think about......
One military friend had 2 weeks' notice before her husband deployed for 6 months. Perspective.
One family member's spouse was to be away for 2 weeks and I remember how hard it was for them to have them gone. Perspective.
One family member's husband has been deployed to the Middle East for year-long deployments 3 (or is it 4?) times. Perspective.
So, which perspective is right? I feel like a weak military wife. We are supposed to be strong and roll with whatever punches the military feels like throwing at us. I have friends and family whose husbands have been gone for months or years and I feel silly for being so down about him leaving.
But here is the reality and what I keep coming back to. This is the man I love with all my heart. This is the man I have vowed to stand by no matter what. So, being apart from him should hurt. Whether it's a week or a month, I hope I never stop missing him and wishing he did not have to leave.
Do I believe God will be my strength while he is gone? Absolutely! Do I think the boys and I will be fine while he's gone? Of course! Life will go on, because that's what you do.
But maybe being sad doesn't have to mean I'm weak. Maybe it just means the other half of my heart will be in another state and it's okay to be sad about that.
I will hold down the fort here in WY. I will get the boys where they need to be and be the Cub Scout Den Leader in his place. I will school our children and look for fun things to make the time go faster. I will enjoy the freedom to not cook if I don't feel like it and watch all the silly TV shows I don't watch while he's home. I will look for opportunities to spend time with other women so I can use up all my words in a day. I will make the best of it. But I will cry a few times before he leaves, again when I say good-bye and again some nights when I go to sleep. I will wish his toothbrush was next to mine because it means he's home.
Yes, it's just a month. Yes, it's a whole month. It's both. Perspective.
Thanks for this. Mike is going back to the states for a week and I just don't want to think about it. I know it is only a week but my heart will be on the other side of the world. I don't know how I am going to do it but I know that the one I serve is faithful! I will pray for you. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSo true! Perspective that some people's trouble is much bigger than our own keeps us from wallowing, but we do also need the perspective that the size of other people's problems, big or small, doesn't make our problems, and feelings about them, any less valid.
ReplyDeleteWhen my hubby leaves, there is definitely a grieving period. (Doesn't matter when you found out about the trip.) I have a "coping song" play list of worship songs that I listen to when I'm feeling down, and try and get my perspective off of me. They remind me WHO I serve, and my role. Yes, we miss our best friends, but we can actually thrive while they are gone. We plan a Bible reading schedule before he leaves so we can read the same chapter the same day. We find that the phone calls are more meaningful and deeper than everyday life. And yes, now that Skype and Facetime are out there, it's easier to stay connected. Make a list of one thing to be thankful for each day while Chris is gone, and look for hidden blessings! (Less laundry, and picking what you want to eat for dinner for example!) When Chris returns you will definitely return to the roots of thankfulness in every way that he is home!
ReplyDeleteThink of all the fun organizing projects that will be done by the time he comes home, girlfriend! A month is perfect--the four weekends will make you so glad when he's gone but it will give you time to do something noticeable--change a room, get a pedicure, learn a new recipe. The reunion will be a wonderful one--it always is.
ReplyDeleteI always feel funny when my Chris is gone--it's not natural. It doesn't matter how long he's gone, it's just not "right." Yes, we knew what we signed up for when we married into the USAF! But it doesn't mean that we have to become cold women who don't love and miss our husbands when they are gone. Plus, haven't we learned over the years to expect that this is when all the weird little stuff happens? So anticipation of a difficult month ahead is normal and...well, warranted!
Hang in there, kiddo!