Lately, I have been defining myself by what I am "not" or by what I "just" am.
I am not my sister who will travel to South Africa to help lead a women's conference.
I am not a working mom whose job adds to the family finances.
I am "just" a stay-at-home mom.
I "just" homeschool.
I am "just" an Air Force wife.
These definitions of myself have been plaguing me lately. It happens almost once a year. I get buried in the piles of school books and assignments and day-to-day responsibilities and I lose perspective in the process. Everyone else seems to be doing bigger and more important things than I am.
Instinctively I know these things do not define me, but I was having trouble shaking this. I tried to keep it to myself, then I tried to talk to my sister about it, but it wasn't until this week as I finally took it to the Lord and asked, "What is it that I need to move on from this?" that I finally heard His answer.
"I chose you for this. I chose you for your husband. I chose you for your boys. You are who they need. You are doing what I created you to do in this season of your life. Other seasons will hold other things, but this is what this season holds. This is what I chose you for."
Oh! Well, that sounds important!
All my life, being chosen has been important to me. My life verse is "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit." John 15:16
When I know I have been chosen for something, I stand taller, I walk with more confidence, I move with purpose. When I know I am walking out exactly what God has chosen me to do, I speak more kindly, I love more deeply, I laugh more freely, I am more at peace.
When I forget, I am a mess. And I have been a mess lately. The funny thing is, I don't want to go to a foreign country, or have a job or a million other things I think I should want. I love my role as a mom and wife, I take very seriously my job of educating our children. In general, I love my life! But when I compare myself to others who I think are doing more important things and when I view myself by the world's standards, I get discontent and a little depressed.
Each year when this happens, the Lord gently reminds me of this same truth in a little different way. This year, He spoke those words "I chose you for this" and then He reiterated it. Our church is reading various passages of Scripture together and today was the story of Esther. You know, the queen who was "chosen for such a time as this."
Then He sent these words in a novel I am reading "Look for what the Creator wants you to do. He wants to share His creativity with you. He wants to partner with you. You find what He wants you to do." I read those words and realized--I have found it!
So, the next time you define yourself by what you are "not" or what you are "just", ask God how He defines you. What makes you stand taller? What makes you move with purpose? What makes you laugh more freely? What speaks peace into your weary soul? Maybe He will remind you that you, too, are chosen. Or maybe He will remind you that you are a daughter of a King. Or maybe, just maybe, He will speak exactly what your heart needs to hear right in that moment. Ask Him!
