How painful will the best be?

Have you ever prayed for something and wondered if you would really get it? C.S. Lewis says it this way, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

This is how I felt many days as we prayed for Jonathan to grow. Was something wrong with him? Seriously wrong? How could there be something wrong with this incredibly healthy, joyful, energetic child? ....But was there?

I prayed that God would make him grow. I prayed against Cystic Fibrosis and Celiac's and the lack of growth hormone. I prayed every night since he was born that "he would grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man." Those were God's own words from the book of Luke and His Word never returns void.....right?

And yet for months he didn't grow. In fact, when it all began, he lost a whole pound and didn't gain it back for 10 months, let alone actually gain any ground. On my best days, I had the faith of David fighting Goliath. But on my worst days I wondered how painful the best would be for my little guy.

He has always been small. He was only 6 lbs when he was born. His doctor in Colorado Springs was required to send him to a nutritionist when he was about 18 months old because he was below the 10th percentile and therefore labeled "failure to thrive". Even as she did this, she assured me he wasn't failing to thrive. But when we moved to Alabama, he lost that pound and didn't gain it back and it raised all kinds of red flags with the doctors. So many, in fact, that we just went to a Pediatric GI today. And here is the amazing part......

He GREW!! He gained an entire pound in one month. So, he has now gained 2 lbs past what he lost. My 4-year-old now weighs 29.8 lbs. Did you catch that? He is almost 30 lbs! A weight I sincerely thought was at least a year off based on his rate of growth.

I prayed.....and so many others prayed with me (thank you to those of you reading this that prayed!).....and God answered.

There is another piece to the puzzle that God used to bring about this growth. I had been trying to tell his doctor that he was constipated, but she would never believe me. In November, we saw a different Dr. for his 4-year check-up and she listened. She put him on Miralax which not only has softened his stools but has therefore increased his appetite because he has more room in there now. He used to complain of stomach aches, but I haven't heard him say that since he started the Miralax.

God heard the cry of my heart for someone to listen to my concern and He provided an alternate doctor at a crucial moment.

And today we saw this awesome Christian GI doctor who is just not as concerned as the other doctors have been this year.

Who knows what is in store for my Jonathan......Well, God does. And He hears this mommy's heart. He heard my cries for my son and He has answered. Would He be any less amazing if the report was different? No. But I am rejoicing that at this moment in our lives, He has chosen to make the best just wonderful and not at all painful.

Thank You, Lord!!!

A Conversation

This is a conversation the boys and I had over a couple of days.....

J: Josh and Mike (his imaginary friends--several of whom are named Mike) died.
Me: Really?! How did they die?
J: The body guards killed them.
Me: The body guards killed them?
J: Yeah, they put them on the cross like Jesus!
Me: That is very sad!
J: Yeah.

The next day.....
J: Zach and Mike are here! (Zach is a name we hadn't heard in his host of friends.)
Me: I thought Mike died?
J: He did. I have lots of brothers!
Michael: Don't you have any sisters?
J: Nah. I don't like sisters.
M: What if mommy had another baby and it was a girl?
Me from another room: Mommy isn't going to have any more babies!
M: I know, but just if you did......

What a hoot!!!

Another birthday....

And then he turned 7...... I cannot begin to express how incredibly proud I am of Michael. He is turning into quite the big boy. Today he wore a white shirt and tie for his Christmas program and declared himself "Dashing!" Yes, that was the exact word he used and it was also a fitting description. :)

Michael is my thinker. He asks questions non-stop....mostly "Why?" Before I had children I claimed I would never grow tired of the questions because that is how they learn. I was wrong! I do grow tired of the questions because they are never-ending with him. And yet, they are changing.....He is really attempting to figure out this big, crazy world we live in. And the best part is that he is often trying to figure out the things of God. His latest theological question was, "Mommy, do you think if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned that we wouldn't have any sin in the world?" Or "Why didn't the king change his law when Daniel prayed to his own God instead of throwing Daniel into the lion's den and then changing the law?" Good question, buddy!!

I love the privilege of teaching him. My favorite part of our homeschool day is to listen to him read the assigned passage of Scripture. What a blessing to be the one he is reading to! Do I love every day or even every moment of our school day? Heavens no!! We do battle when he refuses to cooperate and some days I would rather check things off my to-do list than explain action verbs to him. But when his face lights up because he aced his spelling test or he gets excited because he got to learn about hundreds and thousands or he is fascinated by a piece of history, then I am reminded why I do what I do.

He wants to be an inventor when he grows up. I'm convinced the movie "Meet the Robinsons" had something to do with this. :) He has all sorts of inventions in his head--a transporter, a machine to take you into the movie you are watching, a marker gun, etc. We just keep encouraging him because he could be our retirement fund. :) Ha! Ha!

He is gaining quite a sense of humor and his smile and laugh come quickly. I love joking around with him and watching him start to "get" it.

Michael was my buddy when he was first born and he remains my buddy today. My prayer is that he will remain my buddy all his life.

My baby is four!

What mom can resist blogging about a newly-turned-another-year-old kid? I can't! We just celebrated Jonathan's birthday......My baby turned 4! How is that possible?!

Jonathan is a clown who turns heads and hearts. He is about the size of a two year old, so he turns heads when he starts talking like a 10 year old. :) At his birthday party, he could be found playing with a 12-year-old friend. When this friend said they had to go and asked Jonathan if he wanted to help him put his shoes on, Jonathan replied, "No. I have my own problems!" Makes me laugh just remembering it! What a hoot he is! (And that's just the beginning.)

My favorite thing he does is when he makes a clicking sound with his mouth while winking and pointing his finger and thumb like a gun at me. It is the funniest thing ever!! He can make me laugh one minute and groan in frustration the next.....usually because he is laughing one minute and throwing a fit the next. I have never seen a better pouter. If it's not convenient to sit or lay down to pout fully, he has been known to walk in a circle with slumped shoulders over and over and.... Even then he is funny. In fact, one day he said to me, "You can call me Mr. Funny!" Yes, yes, I can!!

One of his favorite gifts for his birthday was a guitar. He loves to "have a concert" during which he makes up songs in a hard rocker voice. Even though he sounds angry at the world, the words of his most-sung original song are "God is good. It's good to be good!"

And in his sweetest moments, he rubs his cheek against mine and says, "I just love you, Mommy!"

"I just love you, too, pal!"

Mixed emotions

Every year around October, I start to complain about how busy this season is. In the span of less than two months, our little four-person family has three birthdays and two major holidays. Unless you count Halloween, then that makes three.

These two months also have been packed with emotionally-charged events. One year, we miscarried out first child just before Thanksgiving--a grief like none I had ever experienced. One year the church we attended and loved was faced with a national scandal. The following year a gunman entered the same church just two hours after we had gone home. He killed two girls and injured two more people before he was shot by a security guard. Even though we weren't at the church when it happened, I spent months thinking what I would do or where I would go if there was another gunman every time we went to church.

Now, several years later, I was once again faced with the mixed bag of emotions I always face this time of year.....until worship one Sunday. We were singing "Overcame"--an anthem said church declared after the scandal and shooting--and I was bemoaning the fact that this season has so many hard memories for me. And you know what God said to me? (No, not an audible voice anyone else could hear, but it was such a clear impression on my heart that He may as well have been talking out loud.) He said, "Why do you think I gave you so many things to celebrate in these two months?!"

What a sweet answer to my mixed bag of emotions. And let me tell you, I am so DONE complaining about all the birthday cake in my house because it represents my three greatest blessings here on earth and the thoughtfulness of a loving Father to give me their birthdays to celebrate in what could otherwise have become a very difficult time of year.

So, bring on the cake and the parties and the presents...... I'm ready to celebrate!!

Milestones

We have experienced a milestone in our household today. My oldest son picked out his first pair of glasses. I have very mixed emotions about this and it feels like it would help to put them here. So, join me or not, here is the story.....

Last week during our first week of school, Michael complained often about his eyes either bothering him or watering. Then I noticed a couple red flags as he read and did his math work. The upside to having a mom with vision problems is that she is always on the look-out for the same problem in her children. That is also the downside. :) However, I felt I would be remiss not to make an appointment with the eye doctor to find out if my concerns were valid.

The Doctor was SO great! He spoke directly to Michael and put him at ease. Michael did a great job communicating with the doctor--he is getting so big! My once shy, hide-behind-mommy son is growing up! As I watched the appointment progress, I grew very concerned because he was missing what seemed to be very large letters. But I didn't say a word. At the end, the Dr. turned to me and said, "Now, Mom, there are a few things you need to know. The letters you are watching are twice as big as the ones Michael was looking at. (WHEW!) And children don't see detail like we do, so when he called a G an O, that was fine. They also would rather not answer than get it wrong, so when he couldn't tell me the letter, it was no problem." (WHEW again!)

After dilating his eyes (the only thing Michael needed to be talked into being cooperative about), and finishing the exam, the Dr. announced Michael needs reading glasses. Now, yesterday while we were doing Math, he couldn't see something very well and I decided I needed to prepare him for the possibility of needing glasses. He was very upset about this and kept saying he would look funny. I reminded him that his friends Taylor and Samantha don't look funny and that he doesn't think I look funny......or any number of other people he knows who wear glasses. I also reminded him that when I switched from contacts to glasses, he thought I looked funny at first, but he doesn't think so anymore. So, we talked about how it might take a little while to get used to--IF glasses were what he needed. We were very patient with him while he worked this out in his head and by bedtime, he had decided he might look kind of good in glasses.

We decided to head to Lens Crafters to choose frames (the Dr's office had very expensive frames and not a great selection). By now he was pretty excited. We walked into Lens Crafters and he tried on one pair and decided those were the ones he wanted. He tried on a couple more, but was able to tell the worker exactly why he liked the first pair the best and those are the ones we got. Thankfully, they would be ready in an hour, so we had lunch at the mall and went back to pick them up. Again, he did a great job of communicating with the woman adjusting his glasses. He told her exactly where it felt funny or what was wrong.

He is now working on Legos in his room with his new glasses on that he is very excited about. Praise the Lord! I prayed so hard that he would get to this point, but I'm not sure I believed it would happen so quickly.

I think even more than the glasses, the milestone is that he spoke so clearly and confidently to the adults we saw today. I have no doubt that in our case, this is largely due to homeschooling. This is not true for everyone, but I really feel like in Michael's case it is. I don't feel he would have gained this much confidence this quickly if we had made another choice.

Who knows what has me so choked up today?! Probably the mix of everything. In any case, he looks very handsome.....and he would want me to tell you--very smart--in those glasses. My little boy isn't really so little anymore! And I'm SO proud of him!!

P90X - The results are in!

Many of you know I have been doing P90X. Some of you have asked how it's going or if it's worth it. I would answer that with a resounding "YES, it's worth it!" But I will let you be the judge of that....

Two years ago I was told by my doctor that I needed to get my blood pressure under control or she would put me on medicine. BP meds at 36 wasn't really what I had in mind for my life, so I got to work. I lost weight, I worked out, I lowered my BP. Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to understand why the most important results of P90X to me are the ones that have to do with my heart health and cardio endurance. Yes, I can to more push-ups and more bicep curls; yes, I lost a little weight, but I'm most interested in the other stuff.

I lost only 8 lbs, but I lost 8% body fat (the true marker) over the 90 days. I think I could have lost more if I had stuck to their nutrition program more strictly and I plan to improve that when I start over. (Yes, I'm going to do it again!) :) I lost 2 1/2 inches in my waist, 1 1/2 inches in my hips and 1 1/2 inches in each thigh. My arms remain the same measurement, but they don't look the same!!! You can actually see definition in my biceps and thighs--I almost forgot I had muscles under there!! :)

I still can't do a pull-up and I'm okay with that.

Here is what I CAN do:

Before: 15 push-ups
Now: 30

Before: 4 1/2 inch reach past my toes
Now: 8 inches

Before: 90 sec wall squat
After: 125 sec

Before: 30 bicep curls with 10 lbs
Now: 20 bicep curls with 15 lbs

Before: 23 In & Outs (an ab move)
After: 55

Here is what I'm most proud of: my resting heart rate went from 70 to 60. After doing 2 minutes of jumping jacks before P90X (and feeling like I might die), my heart rate went from 180 to 120 recovery after 4 minutes. After P90X (I could actually still breathe and talk when I finished), it went from 178 to 108--a MUCH better recovery, which indicates a much healthier heart.

Do others have more dramatic results? Definitely. However, I am very pleased with my results and thrilled with how much healthier I feel. I just got home from the YMCA where I ran, without stopping, for 2 miles at a 10-minute-mile pace. That was unheard of for me 90 days ago. So, even though much of P90X is weight-lifting and toning-focused, it obviously is improving cardio endurance as well.

I plan to begin some form of P90X again next week. There were workouts I didn't care for (not because they are too hard but because I don't burn as many calories!) and I probably won't keep doing 6 workouts a week, but I'm going to do most of it again. I'd like to lose the 5% body fat that would move me from the "acceptable" category to the "fit" category. :)

So, what do you think? Was it worth it? :)