Teacher/Student conferences

I wish I could attend a parent/teacher conference and have a teacher tell me how our boys are doing. It is probably the one thing I struggle with missing out on because we homeschool. Well, maybe that and all the great awards kids are presented with at the end of the year. Because I'm pretty sure it would be a fun conference and I'm also fairly certain my boys would earn at least a couple awards. It is difficult because if I talk about what I see in them as their teacher, I may sound like I'm bragging as their mom. Plus, it would be nice to have someone confirm that we are on the right track--even though I think we are most days. Thankfully, I have an incredibly supportive and encouraging husband as well as family and friends that assure me I am not ruining them. ;)  

Due to these feelings, I decided to do a teacher/student conference. Here is what I will tell each of my students as we wrap up the year:

Michael - You are a great kid who is growing into a godly, young man. I see you searching for what God wants in your life and challenging yourself to live up to His call. You are a perfectionist and have learned a lot this year about accepting less than perfect from yourself, learning from it and then moving on. You are kind and compassionate with a quick smile. You love helping and loving on younger kids--even your younger brother. You are responsible and a leader who leads by example and can be trusted to follow the rules. You also have a strong sense of justice and it bothers you greatly to see something that is not fair--whether it has to do with you or not. I look forward to watching how God uses that in your life. You have risen to the challenge of 7th grade work....and it was challenging! You have learned how to study, how to learn independently and how to test well. You are joy to teach!

Jonathan - You are a great kid! You have a big and tender heart--for both people and animals. You are active and love to be with friends. In fact, you would choose to be outside with friends over just about anything else. But even though you longingly watched out the window to see who was playing outside while you had to do school, you worked hard and did your best until you were done each day. You make us laugh and keep me on my toes because I never know what type of "what if....." scenario you will present me with next. This year you have excelled in school. I was amazed at how quickly you picked up the math you were taught. And I loved to read whatever story your big imagination created. You are a joy to teach. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you!

The One-Year assignment

I wasn't prepared to be sad to leave Boston! All through last Fall I kept talking about how we were taking advantage of being here, but we wouldn't be sad to leave. I was wrong. I'm going to be sad. At least about a few things. But let's be honest, we all know I will not be sad to leave the roundabout!

A one-year assignment is different than any other type of assignment. We have never had to do one with kids. I know many of you have had more than your fair share of one-year assignments! And they are not easy, right?

A friend once told me she read an article that said it takes 12 months to develop close friendships. I remember crying, "I don't have that long!"

Even though I pride myself on being someone who jumps in quickly because I know we never have long, this time it either wasn't quickly enough or the time is just too short.

We found a church we love. It feels like home. But for me to feel like I am at home in a church, I have to have a little time to sink some roots down before I feel ready to invest my time in serving regularly. (So much for my pride of jumping in quickly, I guess!) Now that we have been there for 8 months, I was ready. I attended the training to help in Kids' Church and promptly realized I needed to tell the Kids' Church leadership that I have about 2 month to actually serve.

A group of parents started meeting to pray together once a month for our youth at church. I was so excited about it and have gone twice......only to realize I probably only have twice more to go.

So, the question becomes, "Do I keep investing? Or do I pull away?" The easy answer is pull away. It would be much less damaging to my heart. A good friend who has had multiple one-year assignments reminded me tonight that "it's worth it!"

What would Jesus ask of me? Since I have never seen a place in the Bible where He pulled away from anyone unless it was for short amounts of time to pray, I'm going to guess He would tell me to press in, to make the most of the time here, to invest in relationship because you never know how He will use them in my life or maybe even use me in theirs. Friendships are priceless--even when we may not see them again this side of heaven. I have left behind countless military and civilian friends as we have moved back and forth across the country. I remember them fondly and try to stay in touch with as many as possible. They were a stabilizing force in an otherwise unstable military lifestyle. And you know what, I still pray for them when I think of them. Maybe they pray for me, too. So then, what could possibly be wasted by investing with just under three months left? And what could be gained by giving up now? I mean, other than my heart that will ache a little more when we leave!

So, invest I will. To those of you that are here, just know there may be a few more tears shed because of the impact you made on my life in this short amount of time.

And to those who are in the midst of or facing a one-year assignment: Go for it! Jump in! Seize the time. It is fleeting and who of us ever knows how much time we really have? It's worth it!

My healthy grief

A few weeks ago, my last living grandma died. Even in the days before she died, my brain went into planning mode. Even when we didn't know when she would go or when anything would be scheduled, my brain wanted to plan.When she left this world to be with Jesus, my brain planned during all hours of the days and nights--with or without my permission.

There was some question in my mind whether I would go back for the funeral or not. Less than two weeks before, I had been back in Iowa with the boys and we saw my grandma. Several people freed me up to not come back because I just saw her. It was a sweet gesture on their parts and I spent hours trying to decide what I should do. Finally, I decided I needed to be there to say good-bye. And then I went back to planning. I planned flights, what to pack, school assignments for the boys while I was gone, food to leave while I was gone, and on and on. Planning kept me from grieving.

When I finally sat down on the plane and all the planning was over, I realized I hadn't even started grieving. Many years ago, when my other grandma passed away, I was in full planning mode for days--even helping organize food after the funeral. When I returned home, I was depressed for weeks. Now I see why--I hadn't stopped planning/helping to let myself grieve.

And this is why I had to go. Because if I hadn't, there would not have been healthy grieving. I would have just kept moving, kept busy, kept avoiding until one day it would hit me and then I would feel regrets.

So, a huge thank you to Chris who never questioned my desire to go back, who even offered to fly all of us back even though it would have cost more than would have been wise to spend, and who did an amazing job at home with the boys while I said good-bye.

I got to say good-bye to my grandma with my parents, my siblings, my cousins and aunts and uncles. We laughed and cried together. We remembered and were thankful for all the wonderful years we had with her. And we started to heal.

Sometimes it's good to stop planning.

Not my finest day......

It was not my finest day of parenting......

1) This weekend we decided we should go see Star Wars again in a very cool IMAX theater. So, I looked up the theater online and was sure tickets would still be available when we got there after church this morning. Guess what? It was sold-out! I had a very disgruntled crew on my hands for the drive home! I apologized; they forgave me; we all moved on.

2) I got so fed up with the chaos in our house (mostly, I got fed up with myself because I let things slide over the holiday break, but I tend not to keep my fed-up-ness to myself) that I declared a "we are going to pick up this house!" afternoon. (Yes, I did this almost as soon as we walked in the house from our disappointing not-seeing-Star Wars fiasco. Good timing, don't you think?!) The boys helped without grumbling and things were off to a good start. I told them to take the recycling outside, which they did.....also without grumbling. When they came back in, Michael said, "The big one is the recycling, right?" Uuummmm......No! Which led me into a rant about how could you think that and now you have to go back outside and fix what you did. To their credit, the boys put their boots back on and silently walked outside. When they returned, they were soaking wet. (Wait-- did I forget to mention that it was a torrential downpour out there......which I had not bothered to remember or listen for?) I apologized.....again.

Thankfully, our boys are extremely gracious and forgave me for both incidents. 

Which made me stop and think about how often the Lord is also gracious and forgives me. Last week we heard a great sermon on the importance of prayer as a non-negotiable in our lives. I left church determined to participate in 517 -- 5 areas of prayer, with 1 other person, 7 days each week. My determination lasted until later that day. I allowed a whole bunch of other nonsense to get in the way of my "non-negotiable" and let it slide most of the week. I eventually did sort out my 5 areas of prayer, but I never spent quiet, uninterrupted time with the Lord regarding those areas and certainly not with another person. This morning at church, I found myself apologizing to God without any excuses. I knew I was the only one to blame for my lack of discipline in this area this week. Thankfully, He is always gracious and quick to forgive me, even though He knows I will probably mess this up again this week. 

Lord, help me to be as gracious and forgiving to others as my boys and You are to me......even when I know the one apologizing will probably do the same thing again.

And, just in case you were wondering, I went online and bought tickets for Star Wars at the really cool IMAX theater for Chris to take the boys tomorrow afternoon.

It just "happened"......

I was reading Ann Voskamp's Advent book to the boys for our Bible time in the mornings before Christmas. We read about Samuel's search for a King. And all of a sudden, I had an epiphany. Want to know what it was? (If you don't, just close your screen now.)

Samuel and Jesse both believed that the oldest and strongest and biggest of the sons would be the obvious choice for the King of Israel. We all know the story, though, right? It wasn't the oldest or any of the others. It was David who was the youngest and the smallest whom God was calling.

I looked at our son, Jonathan David, and just started crying. Which, of course, did not make any sense to my boys who do NOT understand my tears more than half of the time I shed them! You see, our son is small for his age. He always has been. We went through a period of time where they did all kinds of tests on him because he did not appear to be growing. But they never found a medical explanation. Well, other than the fact that neither his mom or dad are very tall people!

We thought we got his middle name, David, from my Dad. And my dad is a pretty great guy to be named after! But today I just realized that God had a bigger plan. He knew all along that Jonathan would be small and that he would need someone small like shepherd boy David who kills a giant and who becomes King to look up to, to aspire to. God knew that Jonathan would struggle with his size and he would need to be reminded in BIG ways that small doesn't mean insignificant. That small doesn't mean less important.

Jonathan has gone through periods of time where his size has really bothered him. Kids made fun of him and treated him differently because he looked younger than they expected him to be.  He has grown to realize there are definite advantages to being small--you are easier for your uncles to throw  around than your taller cousins, you are a smaller target for games like dodge ball, and you can do gymnastics a little easier than someone with more body to move around.

David and Goliath has been his favorite Bible story since he started learning Bible stories. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Have I really never noticed this before? No, I have. But for some reason it hit me in a fresh, real way this morning. And I had the opportunity to speak into his life how great he could become, no matter his size.

Called to write?

It has been FOREVER since I have blogged! And it wasn't on my radar to start again anytime soon. But about a month ago, I felt a very clear prompting from the Lord to start writing again. I have no idea why. I have no idea if He will use this for me or for others. I have put Him off for a month or more, but it keeps coming up--often. Weekly. Whenever I am quiet before Him, He prompts me. I have put it off--disobeyed--long enough.
Because isn't that what we tell our children: "Delayed obedience is disobedience"? So, if I am putting this off because I don't understand why He is calling me to obey or what the end result will be, isn't that disobedience? And because I strive to be obedient, here I am.......blogging, writing with no explanation or reason other than obedience.
Do I hope He does something with it? Absolutely! Do I secretly hope it is something big? Yep! But in my heart of hearts, I know that He never calls me to something that doesn't have some type of benefit--even if it is "just" to do something in me......in my heart.
Feel free to join me.......or don't. ;) I don't lead an exciting life. I talk about my boys--a lot! So maybe you will find me boring. But I will be honest and share the highs and lows of my normal life and hopefully I will find encouragement along the way for me and maybe you will, too.
And pray for me--that I would be obedient even when I don't see the reason for what He is calling me to do!

Small, mundane prayers

I am so excited about how God answered this simple, mundane prayer that I have to share.... 

I was headed to pick out new glasses today--a daunting task with no one to help but my boys (and we all know how helpful boys are!). I had been praying all week that God would give me just who I needed to help me pick them out. When I was there earlier this week, there was a woman I watched helping someone else who said things like, "Those are too big for your face." That's the kind of person I needed today! I normally take a friend or my sister or my mom with me to choose. I wear them for 5 years at a time, so I have to be sure!! I didn't have anyone like that with me today. So, I asked God to give me that someone in the form of a worker. (Honestly, I expected it to one of two women I had seen earlier.)

Instead, Gus was my answer. He was SO helpful--pointed out pros and cons of each pair, understood immediately what I wanted and found glasses I'm excited about after trying on just a few pairs. He didn't try to up-sell me or confuse me with a bunch of choices. He showed me what I should and shouldn't get so as not to be out of style when I wear them for the next 5 years. :) 

Gus is not who I thought would be my answer to prayer. He helped me the other day with a quote and I did not get the impression he would understand my need. He's been in the business 34 years (read: much older than I am), and, well, he's a boy! But I am convinced he was exactly the answer to the prayers I had prayed. Simple and mundane, though they were!!

But isn't it just like God to give me an answer to my prayer in the form of someone totally unexpected?! I love that about Him! He's full of surprises!!

Thanks, God, for Gus--my answer to that simple, mundane prayer.